go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize