I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just found puke in my bra..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
