just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
