Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
