Your mouth is God's brothel.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
