Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
