Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
