Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
