So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
