i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
