In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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