god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
