At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
