I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
