Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
