on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
