I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
