I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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