so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
