I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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