His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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