you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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