i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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