Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
