I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
