I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
