they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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