I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize