Your tits are I can't wait for
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
