My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
