when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
