i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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