I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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