I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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