I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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