i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
