my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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