it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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