i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
