I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
