first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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