let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
