an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
