when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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