I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
