so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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