Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize