I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize