Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize