Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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