You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
