So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
