I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
