i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
