I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
