You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
