i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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