do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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