Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
