he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
