shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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