so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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