Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
