My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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