I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
