im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
