He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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