whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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