chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
