THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me I should be a condom model.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
