Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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