he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
