i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
