when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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