so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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