i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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