It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
