Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
