my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
