I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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