Define "chronic" masturbator.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
