I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
