i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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