STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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