Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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