He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
