Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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