He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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