And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
