Apparently you make a good broom.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
