Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize