there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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