Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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