I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
