Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
