So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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