he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
