How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
