Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
