I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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