oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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