Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
