Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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