You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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