I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
