these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
