porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no, he came in my armpit
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
