Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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