if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
