I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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