I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize