you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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