drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this just has baby written all over it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
