Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
