yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
