If i come over, it means nothing
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
