Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
