He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
