i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
