This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
