you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
