I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
