i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
