Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
